For the last 12 years I have been subjected to the bi-daily ritual known as the School Drop-Off/Pick-Up Line, aka: The Car Loop. As someone who has spent an estimated 2100 hours of her life—the equivalent of three whole months—sitting in a car waiting for the PE coach to frantically direct cars to “pull up all the way to the front,” I have had more than enough time to study the fashion habits of my fellow Car Loop Mamas.
While preschool and elementary mamas generally shared a similar underslept/over-volunteered style, middle school mamas have upped their morning fashion game. Granted, I only observe them from the shoulder up, but this is what I imagine they are wearing.
Power Suit Mama. This mama always has her hair tied back in a slick professional ponytail, not one baby hair to be found. At 6:45 a.m., her mascara and lipliner are on point, she already has a Starbucks in hand and is 20 minutes into a conference call through her car’s Bluetooth speakers. Through her darkly tinted windows I can just make out her amazing business wardrobe and know she is in 4 inch designer heels, perfect for a swanky business lunch.
Activewear Mama. This mama looks like she’s headed to the gym in her yoga pants, stretchy tank with built-in sports bra and messy top knot, but I know better. Her expertly winged eyeliner and carefully filled-in brows tell me that she’s meeting her friends for breakfast and pedicures where they will talk about maybe taking a yoga class one of these days. Afterward, she will pop into Target with the intention of pricing out yoga mats, but will instead wander around the store for the next two hours. She will buy a throw pillow, a lip balm and a 12-pack of diet soda before grabbing an iced caramel macchiato and pulling back into the car loop.
Marathon Runner Mama. This mama is definitely going to work out today. Her hair is in that kind of pony/bun hybrid, which looks as though you never quite finished pulling the ponytail through the last loop of your hair tie. She’s wearing an old 5K tee shirt, running shorts, and not a stitch of makeup. If the oval “26.2” sticker on the back of her SUV doesn’t prove her commitment, seeing her jog passed your front door 8 times a day surely does.
I Woke Up Like This Mama. This mama is tricky. Is she going to work? Shopping? On a date? She’s always wearing a nice blouse, cute skinny jeans, tall boots, natural-looking make-up and an adorable coif. She looks as though she has been getting ready for hours, even though the sun is just beginning to rise. From where do you come, oh Magical Parking Lot Beyonce?
And, then, there’s me.
Pajama Mama. This mama prays every morning that she is not put into a situation which will require her to exit the vehicle. She is definitely wearing pajama pants, but may have thrown on a bra or sweatshirt just in case. She doesn’t see the point in putting on street clothes when she is simply going to turn around and drive straight home. Whether she has a later work shift, telecommutes to the office, or spends her days cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry (in some cases, all of the above) there is no way this mama is going through the whole primping process at 6 a.m.
Maybe, if school started later, I could get my act together. If I had an extra hour or two, I could look as put together as the CEO Mom or as hot as Queen Bey Mom. Maybe….
….Just kidding, I would totally use that time to sleep. Pajama Mama 4-Life!