Since March of 2020 three of my friends have ended their lives — two in the last 7 weeks. Three entire human beings who mattered, who meant something to their friends, family, and community no… More
At first glance, working from home seems like the ideal situation. You wake up and sit in front of your computer, probably still in your pajamas. The Today Show or your favorite Pandora station plays quietly in the background.
If you are a work-from-home parent, you may be able to walk your children to and from the bus stop or drive them to school. If you have flexibility, you can attend field trips or volunteer in the classroom by completing your work in the evening hours.
There are no neckties, no morning make-up routine, no rush hour traffic, and no having to write your name on your yogurt to prevent it from being lifted from the break room fridge.
It seems like an ideal setup except, of course, for something you didn’t expect: the countless distractions that come with working from your house.
The “really quick” call from Mom.
No matter how many times you try to explain to your parents that even though you are technically “home,” you actually do have a job. Without fail, as you are settling into your work day you will get the call, “Hi! Really quick, I can’t get on the internet, can you tell me what is wrong with my computer?”, “Sorry! Really quick, did you ever send me those pictures from Thanksgiving? I want to make a photo book. By the way, how do I use that Shutterfly thing, again?”
They need to be fed. They need to be walked. They want to sit on your lap. They bark incessantly at the squirrel in the backyard or the jogger that seems to be getting her marathon training miles in by running up and down your block.
It calls out to you for breakfast. It calls again for lunch. You spend ten minutes debating whether to toss or reheat that slightly suspect take-out box of pad Thai. You find yourself running to the fridge for a quick snack, or a drink, or just to stare inside.
The UPS guy.
He rings the doorbell and your dogs go crazy. You grab the package and remember that these are the gorgeous new shoes your ordered. You take those gorgeous new shoes out of the package, try them on, and they’re too tight. You are disappointed. You walk back to your computer to print out a return label, then repackage the gorgeous new shoes and set them aside to take to the UPS Store. You keep a piece of the bubble wrap for later.
The lawn guy.
He is mowing right next to your window, or possibly cutting down a tree with a chainsaw. Maybe he just has 16 lawn mowers that all run at once. The dogs are barking again and you need to get on a conference call. You pull your laptop into the closet and pray that no one else can hear the commotion.
On your way to the bathroom, you realize that the laundry hamper is overflowing. You decide to toss in a load to wash while you work – multitasking! But first, you have to sort the laundry. Ten minutes later, you have 5 piles of dirty clothes on the floor and one in the wash. Later you will have to come back to move the wet laundry into the dryer and that is when you will decide that you might as well toss in another load.
Door-to-door religious groups.
They ring your doorbell and the dogs start barking again. You don’t answer and hope that they will give up and leave. But they don’t. After 10 minutes, you walk to the door and kindly explain that you are working, you have already accepted Jesus Christ as your Savior, and can they please go so that you don’t get fired and end up knocking on their doors trying to sell them meat from the back of a truck.
It’s lunch time, so you decide to peruse social media while you eat your leftover Thai food. You could have sworn you just checked Facebook this morning, how have you not reached the 8 a.m. posts yet? If you stop scrolling now, you might miss something important. Your cousin still has not forgiven you for that time you didn’t “like” her pregnancy announcement.
Friend: “Whatup? What r u doing for lunch today? Wanna meet at Panama? Ha ha, autocorrect–PANERA.”
Daughter: “Mommy, I left my science folder and I have a quiz in 5th per. Can u bring it to me so I can study at lunch? Pls, pls, pls??? UR the best! Pls?”
Target: “Click here for mobile coupon!”
Husband: “Hey, Babe. What r we doing 4 dinner? Skipped lunch. STARVING.”
Figuring out dinner ranks as the worst workday distraction. Do I want chicken? Fish? Steak? Frozen pizza? Tacos? Meatloaf? Spaghetti? Beef Stew? Do we have carrots? Are we out of onions? Do I have time to use the crock pot? Why didn’t I think about dinner earlier?
As it turns out, working from home is not as easy as it seems. Your boss may not be hovering over you, but your laundry always is.
A version of this piece was originally published on January 14, 2016 on Parent Co.
I used to brag that if a person wronged me, they would be dead to me for life. But, the truth is, I am naturally inclined to forgive. I’d like to say that it’s because I am following in Jesus’s footsteps (both Jesus Christ and my husband Jesús). But, more likely than not, it’s because I detest confrontation and will do everything in my power to avoid it. Additionally, I am at an age where in order to hold a grudge I have to actively remind myself of why I am even mad. Admittedly, I’d rather use that brain space to keep track of my many audiobook and television plot lines.
Segueing oh so smoothly to audiobooks, I’m currently listening to Of Mess and Moxie: Wrangling Delight Out of This Wild and Glorious Life by Jen Hatmaker. This is my first ever Jen Hatmaker book. I’m sure I put it in my audiobook queue after seeing it listed in some Bustle or Buzzfeed listicle, especially if the words “funny” or “memoir” were used in its description. I didn’t know this was a book by a Christian author, and was slightly caught off guard when she brought JC into the mix. I am not opposed to Christian books, I just wasn’t expecting it. That said, so far it has been a perfect mix of funny, relatable mom experiences and how these experiences relate to God’s Word.
I just finished Chapter 18: Forgiveness School, where Hatmaker talks about a troubling situation that occurred in her life a few years ago. (BTW: I was unable to use my Magnum P.I. Googling skills to figure out what this was in reference to.) She said that eventually she had to forgive and start praying for the person who wronged her in order to heal her own heart. Here’s the kicker: forgiveness, Hatmaker says, does not have to mean reconciliation.
Talk about a light bulb moment.
The only real grudge I’ve held onto in my adult life has been out of fear of reconciliation. I realized that I am no longer really angry at this person. What I am is afraid that forgiving them would mean having to befriend them again. This is not something I want to do.
It sounds way more dramatic than it really is. This person never harmed me physically, and I am sure they loved me and had the absolute best intentions. I loved them, too. Unfortunately, our core personalities are complete polar opposites. They are confrontational. I avoid, ignore, agree, and make peace. They wanted to be together always – from Friday nights to Sunday barbecues, to holidays, family vactions, midweek lunches, and Tuesday evening dinners. My body and mind regularly need space to rest and recharge.
In this relationship I often felt bullied, belittled, and judged. I could never say “no” to any proposition without having to give an explanation that they would immediately reject, and then suggest a way that I could rearrange my entire life in order to do what they wanted. If I still said “no,” there would be tension and animosity.
There is so much more to this story, but to cut to the chase, we no longer speak. For years, I have held onto this grudge – not of the relationship ending, but of how I was made to feel while in it. I haven’t wanted to let it go. I didn’t want to forgive because I believed it would mean having to get together, explain how they hurt me, listen to how they were hurt, and eventually kiss and make up. I am not ready for that, and I don’t know if I ever will be.
Hatmaker says that some relationships are not safe and may never be safe, and this is why “forgiveness is a one-man show.” You can choose to forgive without reconciling. You can ease the burden in your heart without putting yourself back in a toxic situation. You don’t need their permission or their blessing. Forgiveness is a one-man show, and today, that’s the show I’ve chosen to attend.